A Baffled White House

From the Press Secretary comes this message:

Statement by the Press Secretary on Congressman Murtha’s Statement

STATEMENT BY THE PRESS SECRETARY

Congressman Murtha is a respected veteran and politician who has a record of supporting a strong America. So it is baffling that he is endorsing the policy positions of Michael Moore and the extreme liberal wing of the Democratic party. The eve of an historic democratic election in Iraq is not the time to surrender to the terrorists. After seeing his statement, we remain baffled — nowhere does he explain how retreating from Iraq makes America safer.

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If the Press Secretary truly is baffled by Mr. Murtha’s decision, let me help clear things up. This administration wants to tie the war in Iraq with the security of America just as another administration tried to tie the war in Vietnam with the security of America. Saying it, doesn’t make it so.

Iraq was a terrible dangerous place for the Iraqi people when Saddam Hussein was at its helm. Intelligence documents have now clearly shown that the sovereign nation of Iraq was not a threat to the United States. Even the intelligence prior to the war gave strong indication of this conclusion, but the Bush Administration chose to ignore those parts of the briefing.

The American people are coming around to the understanding that this is a dangerous, expensive, futile, and endless war if left to the Bush Administration. Congressman Murtha is now moving the conversation in the Congress toward where the American people have been for months.

If Congressman Murtha has not explained how leaving Iraq makes our country safer, it’s because that’s not the issue. We are neither safer nor more in danger staying or leaving Iraq. Leaving that country, getting out of the war will get us back to the American principles on which this country was founded. Getting out of the war will save American lives, that is, soldiers’ lives. Getting out of Iraq is one more step toward rolling back the dangerous policies of this administration.

Should Mr. McClellan remain baffled, have him call me.

Will someone please abduct Nancy Grace?

Now, before anyone gets in an uproar, I’m not suggesting that she should be hurt in any way, that she should be kept from her family, or that any pain should come to anyone anywhere. I’m just wondering if we couldn’t get her off the television and away from a microphone. That way, instead of hearing the absolute garbage she reports (did some girl go missing in Aruba or something?) we could hear about something that matters (I’ve been told that we’re in a war somewhere in the Middle East).

So maybe she could just be taken to Dick Chaney’s undisclosed location. Or maybe CNN could send her on assignment to Aruba but neglect to send cameras or microphones or a return ticket along with her. I hear Aruba’s lovely. Well, unless you’re a blonde-haired, white girl. Why is it that only blonde, white girls go missing these days? Odd…

More Proof that Pat’s a Dick

As if more proof were needed, Pat Robertson has again shown us incontrovertible proof that he’s a dick. The good thing is that these increasingly insane things he’s saying discredit him and promote the other sides (i.e. those founded on reason rather than hatred and exclusion), but the bad thing is that if he keeps this up, somebody is going to confine him to a home and take away his microphone. Where then would we get our entertainment?

If you haven’t read the article, Robertson told the people of Dover, PA who recently ousted the pro-Intelligent Design school board in favor of people who read books and have brains in their heads, that when trouble comes, God won’t be there. They have, he said, run God out of town. Geez, that has to suck for them. I guess they’re screwed.

Notice though, one important point in this: Intelligent Design is supposedly just another scientific theory (set aside the silly fact that it follows absolutely no scientific processes or logic). It’s not supposed to be about God. That’s creationism. The ID proponents are quick to point out that ID is not creationism. But Robertson’s comments show the true face of this. The Intelligent Designer is God, the Christian God, the God who doesn’t like bad people, scientists, Muslims, the French, and a laundry list of other people who aren’t attending the right churches.

Intelligent Design is, according to Pat Robertson, creationism in sheep’s clothing. Or, if you prefer a more military analogy, it is the Trojan Horse.

Whatever the case, if the people in Dover, PA end up facing hurricanes, earthquakes, tsunami’s, locusts, or–heaven forbid–a visit from Pat Robertson, they can’t call God, but they can call me.

At What Level is it Okay to Blame Them

Veteran’s Day was yesterday and with that occasion in the past, I wonder now at what level is it okay to blame those involved in the war for the war. From what I see on my television and on the backs of cars driving around our neighborhood, it’s not okay to blame the troops. Alright, fine. I won’t. I’ll support them, whatever the hell that phrase means. (Have you noticed how many non-sensical phrases about this war are widely accepted because to question them is to somehow not support the troops?) I’ll support the troops so long as I don’t have to put a ribbon on my car or do anything else that would in any way require me to sacrifice any of my time, effort, money, or luxury. Good, now I’m in step with the rest of America.

At the other end of the spectrum, it would now seem to be okay to blame the President. It wasn’t okay last Spring, it was only marginally okay this summer during the whole Sheehan thing, but now, it’s okay, go ahead. Along with the President, it’s okay to blame Scooter, Karl, and possibly the big Dick. These things are just coming into vogue and so you might want to jump on quickly before they go out of style.

Now, the middle range of this thing is where we’re going to get confused. I’ll try this as a muddled list:

• Donald Rumsfeld? Yes, you can blame him.
• Colin Powell? He’s such a good guy, you hate to do it, but he got suckered, so blame him too.
• The generals who make the big decisions in the Pentagon? Oh yeah, we can blame them, mostly because we have no idea who they are.
• The generals on the ground in Iraq? Well, this is trickier. We don’t know them either, but they are there and so it’s bad form to complain. Still, they don’t seem to have the first idea what to do… It’s a head-heart thing: the head says, “they’re a bunch of dumb-asses and they can’t seem to keep people alive,” while the heart says, “but they’re with the troops and we can’t blame the troops.” Call it a toss-up.
• Officers in Iraq? Even trickier. They should know better, but now we get into the real problem that they’re just following orders. Under that umbrella, we can’t blame them. Wouldn’t be prudent or American.

And that brings us back to the troops and we know where we stand there bumper stickers or not.

Here’s a new proposal: Let’s blame everyone who isn’t saying that this was a terrible mistake. Let’s blame everyone who isn’t working on a way to put a stop to this. Let’s blame the people who make the road-side bombs, let’s blame Al-Jazeera, hell, let’s blame Saddam. Let’s blame the scum who manipulated the oil-for-food program. Let’s blame GM, Ford, and Daimler-Chrysler for not building good hybrids. Let’s blame all of us who drive thirty-five miles or more to work each day, alone in our cars. (Damn, that’s me.) Let’s blame everyone. Let’s get that out of the way and start engineering a new path.

Last Tuesday’s elections could be the beginning of a sea-change. We can hope.

2000? What about the 100,000?

2,000 American Service Personnel have died in Iraq. Those 2,000 deaths are pretty well publicized. But a good study, a dependable piece of scientific investigation shows that something like 100,000 Iraqi’s are dead. Why isn’t this number getting more exposure? My guess is that it would make this administration look like a reckless invading force with absolutely no regard for the people whose country we now occupy.

What color ribbon should I put on my car for the 100,000 dead?