Color – Haiku (a cop out)

By bgfay

I wrote three haiku
about the seasons colors
the bird flew away

Trying once again
now with snow and death's shadow
the bird fell down dead

So I turned away
my life remains black and white
the bird never lived.

When I glanced backward
as though there might be something
and saw a wing twitch

Those light brown feathers
rose up from the dark brown earth
wishing for blue sky.

11 Responses to “Color – Haiku (a cop out)”

  1. Follow My Ink Says:

    wow, I could see and feel the loneliness of a painful moment. Beautiful even in the shadows of colors. Simply beautiful!

  2. Neasa Says:

    Life & color in the face of bleakness. A very moving series of poems.

  3. Jodi Says:

    Quite well done. I wouldn’t call this a ‘cop out’ at all!

  4. bgfay Says:

    Jodi,

    I called it a cop-out because I tried to write something that was more of a natural haiku, couldn’t do it, and so wrote a process story instead. I think I went through eight things that were technically haiku (5-7-5 with seasonal words) but I put them all in the cat-box with similar smelling stuff.

    You, neasa, and follow my ink are all very kind. Thank you.

  5. Brian Says:

    I think you are much to hard on yourself. Life sometimes happens in black and white and we struggle with the bright colors.

    I like your story in haiku.

  6. bgfay Says:

    brian,

    Thank you for your kind words. I wasn’t trying to beat up on myself too much here, it’s just that this is much more personal narrative than the haiku I wanted to write.

    I’m going now to see what you wrote on your site this week.

  7. Crafty Green Poet Says:

    This is an amazing sequence. Prompts are there to start a process, and may take you in unexpected directions….

  8. paris parfait Says:

    Terrific series of rather bleak, lonely poems – but “wishing for blue sky” shows a glimmer of hope remains.

  9. Regina Clare Jane Says:

    Yes, I liked that it was more in a narrative form… I wanted it to continue…

  10. bgfay Says:

    Paris Parfait,

    I was hoping to have it be bleak (I couldn’t write at all on this week’s prompt) but with a bit of hope (that I might someday be able to write well again). I’ll take your comment as some proof that I achieved the goal.

    Regina,

    I enjoyed your comment and wished there was more of that too!

  11. Remiman Says:

    Sometimes when we write from a low place it rises to the occasion AND TURNS OUT BETTER THAN EXPECTED.
    I think that’s the case here.
    rel

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